Adventurous is what I like to call myself. What better adventure than to climb on the top of your own anxieties and thoughts and have an aerial view of your mind?! So, when I was looking for this kind of adventure, I came across this 10-days meditation course with Vipassana Centre. People who know about this course will know that it is infamous for the stern rules. For 10 days, the participants are not supposed to read, write, talk, workout intensely, use mobile phones! Not even eye-contacts with your fellow course-mates! Now, that is some challenge for someone like me who cannot keep quiet even while she is asleep! Surprisingly, I was happy to set aside my all-time-buzzing-device for a while.
In spite of being frighteningly nervous, a part of me was excited about the next 10 days. I had some personal fears to overcome. I didn’t expect myself to transform into a completely new person on the 11th day but I was hoping to gradually find a better way of life. Minor things like fear of being alone in a dark room or freaking out at the sight of any reptile or simply choosing to be in denial when I had any uncomfortable thoughts about anything. These things could be insignificant otherwise but for me these were hurdles in the process of being a truly independent and positive girl that I aspire to be.
The first thing I asked from the organizers was to give an entire room to me – no roommate! No obvious distraction! After the initial two-three days, I managed to sleep properly, alone, in a dark room. I managed to live peacefully with a lizard roaming around on the walls. As the days passed by, I managed to curb my cravings for food. To my surprise, I had managed to survive till the last days. By then, I was trained to accept my thoughts – pleasant or unpleasant, known or unknown! Just accept. I didn’t have to look for a solution or pass any kind of judgment. I just had to accept that this thought exists in my mind. After a while, even having no thoughts was acceptable. That’s it!
I still have bad days but my reactions toward any experiences have taken a new track now. I don’t find myself running away, intentionally or not. This may sound trivial but in today’s life it is a triumph. We are amidst a web of distractions. Things, people, devices or urges that keep us away from our own mind and thoughts. We are addicted to noise. Mental noise. We crave for some or the other things all the time. Be it talking to someone, reading, listening, watching, sharing and if nothing seems handy then just sleep-off. We cannot stand a situation of not having anything to do or think about.
Meditation is more for youngsters because having our thoughts lined-up as adults can help us live a mindful life. We will be able to deal with situations in a much better way, with optimal over-reactions. We would hardly need substance or adrenaline rush to feel alive. Isn’t that what we all keep wandering for with each passing day?
Just dive-in our minds and explore the infinite possibilities of our own personality without tagging or labeling any thought as good or bad. Some things seem unbelievable simply because of their simplicity. But shouldn’t happiness be just that, simple?
All we need to do is connect with ourselves and rest will fall in place.
Yes, I enrolled myself for the course and reached the centre on day 0. I was the last person to enter the premises before the registrations close for that batch. Did I say that I had chosen this for myself?! Yes, I had but still the last-minute apprehensions tend to make me procrastinate. Well, I was too anxious and scared to reach there before the last minute. Those jitters in my stomach were something that I had never felt in my entire life. Not that I didn’t know the requirements for this course and its intensity. I was just skeptical if I’d be able to survive till the last day. I had my panic attacks thinking about my project in the office, whether my parents will be okay in my absence. Tons of ifs and buts and other thoughts. It was a mental chaos. But for some reason I wanted to do it.